• “ Get 50 % off or half price, whichever is less.” (sounds like a bargain)

• “Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.” (that’s amazing)

• “Fish need water; Feds say.” (everybody needs something)

• “Alton attorney accidentally sues himself.” (I hope he wins and collect a large sum)

• “Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison.” (gee, thanks)

• “Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Finds Weapons.” (I bet there were guns there too)

• “For Sale: collection of old people. Call 253XXXX (I’m not putting my name on this newsletter)

• “HUMAN SKULL, USED ONCE only. Not plastic. $200 OBO Dr. Scott Tyler, 6xxxxxx” (Ugh!)

• “1995 NISSAN, green, leather, loaded, CD, auto start, sunroof, 4-door, good condition, $4500.
Not for sale.” (a wasted ad)

• “Debra Jackson said she likes shopping at the Dollar Palace because it is convenient and casual. ‘ I don’t have to get all dressed up like I’m going to Wal-Mart of something’.” (What did she say?)