SOME THINGS ABOUT GETTING OLDER

Your years of paying for health insurance is finally paying off.

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

If you have never smoked, you can start now and it won’t have time to hurt you.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

The things you buy now won’t wear out.

You don’t need the roof shingles with a 30 year warranty.

There is no need to spend money for a psychic to see your future.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

You may never have to vacuum under the bed again.

In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.