I before E except when you are on a feisty heist on a weird, beige, weighty, foreign neighbor.

Grandma: Were you a good girl at church today, Missy?
Missy: Yes, I was.  When the nice man offered me a whole plate of money, I said, “No, thank you”.

Sunday school teacher: Phil, who was the first woman?
Phil: I don’t know.
Sunday school teacher: I’ll give you a hint.  It had something to do with an apple.
Phil: Oh, I know.  Granny Smith!

The preacher stopped in the middle of his powerful sermon to ask, “Who is God, anyway?”
From the back of the church, a little boy said, “God is a chauffeur.”
“Why do you say that?” asked the preacher.
“Because,” said the boy, “He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden.”